A poem I found

Posted on mars 30, 2008

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                                              A Woman’s Tears

                                                     By Jennifer Ann Burnett

                                                                             Feb 6, 2004

I feel a drop of warm, salty fluid run slowly down my cheek.

            And I realize that I am crying once again!

“Oh Jennifer”, I chide myself, “Why are you crying this time?”

            And as I think back over these last four months

That I have indeed cried many tears (but mostly tears of joy!)

            And used up more Kleenex boxes in the recent past

Then I ever did as a child, despite all my coughs and colds.

            For my tears now often come unbidden by any real distress or pain

When I am all alone, just thinking about what God has done

            Giving me a brand new life- so glorious it takes my breath away!

I cannot help but bow my head in thanksgiving and in praise,

            Releasing emotions that overflow and fill my heart,

Because He has made His Presence so very real to me,

            Often whispering softly in my ear “I love you!”

And so the flow of tears begins anew.

 

I am seated silently there on the edge of my bed

            My wife sitting across; anger clouds her usually smiling face.

And she is yelling at me, for she has had an awful day

            And I, for a large part, am the very cause of it.

“I feel you are already gone, departed where, I do not know!

            And I now must be the only nail to hold this family together.

For you are so different, tied up within your own new self

            That you have lost touch with those who need you the most”.

I meekly nod, “You’re right” and that is all I say, for she

            Has given me far more support that I could have ever asked.

She understood my pain, knew all the suffering I’ve gone through,

            And witnessed my agony as I began to be remade anew.

If only I could let her know how much I feel her grief, and mine,

            That I should be the source of sorrow for those who are around me!

And then without a further thought, my tears begin to flow

            They speak for me- more eloquent than a thousand words.

She sees me crying now, her husband who had never cried before

            So emotionally controlled, he almost seemed unreal.

And she knows how sorry I am to be in such a helpless state,

            For the only choice I had was a new life or a living death.

Her anger fades now and we embrace; both of us will cry together,

            For tears speak a common language that has no further use for words.

 

In the congregation, with both my hands raised up to You-

            It is our worship time, and You and I are one.

Though clad in male attire, as it still must be for now,

            I have no doubts that You see me as I really am:

Your beloved daughter, Your Jennifer, who has come to You 

            With tears of joy and happiness streaming down her face

She does not even try to wipe them off, for more will come

            As she senses Your warm, luxurious embrace.

“Why are you crying, Dad?” my son inquires with concern.

            But I cannot answer back right now with any words,

For I am lifted up within the wonders of Your love

            And worship is my soul’s one response to You.

For You own my whole heart and my entire being

            Because You set me free- a person bound, in so much pain.

And I, Your obedient handmaid have now come to kneel

            Before the One who makes me all I am and ever hoped to be.

For worship comes in many forms, in word and song and prayer,

            But for me, I worship You with tears- they are my highest praise!     

 

 

You can read the rest of the poem here.  It expresses some things familiar and some things very far from my experience. After all, it’s written by a MtF, so some of it is bound to feel kind of backwards to me. I wanted to present it as one way of seeing the transsexual experience in a spiritual light. I felt compelled to not copy the last part of it though, as I found that exceptionally full of clichés, in addition to expressing a theology I find problematic.

Reklamer
Posted in: English